5 Things I Learned About People Who Cheat - Insights On Trust

Prof. Jalen Kerluke DVM 30 Jun 2025

There is, you know, a certain kind of puzzle when it comes to human connections, especially when trust gets broken. It's something many of us, I think, have bumped into at some point, whether it's a friend, a partner, or maybe even someone we just know a little bit. That feeling of surprise, or sometimes, a deep ache, when you find out someone you thought you knew acted in a way that just wasn't honest.

For me, anyway, thinking about this sort of thing has brought up some really important observations. It’s not about judging anyone, not really, but more about trying to make sense of what happens when people choose a path that isn't straightforward. It's like, you begin to see patterns, little threads that connect different situations, and it helps you, perhaps, grasp a bit more about how people operate.

So, this isn't a guide on how to spot someone who might not be playing fair, or anything like that. Instead, it's more of a sharing of some general insights, some simple truths that, I suppose, become clear when you spend time considering these sorts of moments in life. It's about looking at the human side of things, the reasons and the ways people might drift from what's expected, and what that can tell us about ourselves and those around us.

The Hidden Drivers of Deception
Why Is Openness So Difficult for Some?
The Intricate Weave of Their Stories
What Propels a Desire for Immediate Rewards?
Do They Understand the Weight of Their Choices?
What Does This Tell Us About Human Nature?

The Hidden Drivers of Deception

One thing that, you know, often comes to light is that people who stray from what's expected sometimes carry a quiet struggle inside. It’s almost, like, a feeling of not quite measuring up, a sense that they aren't enough just as they are. This isn't always obvious from the outside; in fact, they might seem very confident, or even, perhaps, a little too sure of themselves. But underneath that outer layer, there can be this deep-seated worry about being seen as less capable, or not good enough, or maybe even not worthy of affection or success on their own merit.

This feeling, it can be a powerful force, actually. It can push someone to seek validation in ways that aren't quite honest. They might feel, perhaps, that if they don't take a shortcut, or bend the rules a little, they won't get what they believe they need or deserve. It's a bit like, they are trying to fill a gap, a void, with something that isn't truly theirs. This isn't an excuse for their actions, not at all, but it is, I mean, an observation about a common thread that seems to run through many of these situations. It’s a human thing, this need to feel valued, and sometimes, that need can get twisted.

So, you see, it's not always about being mean-spirited or wanting to cause harm. Sometimes, it stems from a place of personal hurt or a lack of belief in their own abilities. They might genuinely believe that they can't achieve something fairly, or that the system is rigged against them, or that they simply aren't as smart or as strong as others. This internal battle, it can lead to choices that are, well, less than ideal. It’s a sad thing, really, when a person feels so small that they resort to actions that ultimately make them, and others, feel even worse.

This sort of inner turmoil, you know, can manifest in many ways. It might be a constant need for praise, or a fear of failure that is so strong it paralyzes them from trying honestly. They might compare themselves to others a lot, and always feel like they are falling short. This comparison, it can be a real trap, can’t it? It makes people focus on what they lack, rather than what they possess. And when that happens, the temptation to take an easier, less honorable path can become very strong indeed. It's a cycle, in a way, where insecurity feeds actions that only deepen that insecurity in the long run.

We, as people, sometimes forget that everyone has their own set of internal struggles. While this doesn't excuse any behavior, it does offer a tiny window into the motivations that can, perhaps, drive someone to act in ways that seem, well, baffling to us. It’s a reminder that beneath the surface, there's often a story, a history, a quiet pain that shapes a person's choices. It's not about making excuses, but about seeking a deeper sort of grasp on human behavior, which, you know, is always more complicated than it first appears.

Why Is Openness So Difficult for Some?

Another thing that, I mean, tends to become clear is that people who behave dishonestly often have a real challenge with being direct and open. It’s like, they find it incredibly hard to just say what they feel, or what they want, or even what they've done. This isn't just about hiding a specific action; it’s more about a general way of interacting with the world. They might avoid difficult conversations, or skirt around the truth, even when it seems like being honest would be so much simpler in the long run.

This difficulty with honest talk, it can stem from a few places. Sometimes, it’s a fear of conflict, a deep wish to avoid any kind of disagreement or unpleasantness. They might believe that if they are completely truthful, they will face anger, or disappointment, or perhaps even rejection. So, to protect themselves from these feelings, they build up walls of indirectness, choosing to say things that are, you know, less than fully accurate, or simply saying nothing at all when something important needs to be discussed. It's a way of trying to control the situation, to keep things calm, even if that calm is built on shaky ground.

Then there’s the aspect of keeping up appearances. For some, the idea of admitting a mistake, or a weakness, or a desire that might be judged, is simply too much to bear. They might have a very strong image of themselves that they want to present to the world, and any crack in that image feels like a huge threat. So, instead of being real, they put on a performance, always trying to seem perfect, or strong, or in control. This, you know, makes genuine connection very hard, because true connection requires a willingness to be seen, flaws and all. It’s a lonely way to live, always having to guard your true self.

This pattern of avoiding directness can also mean they don't ask for what they need in a straightforward way. Instead of saying, "I need help," or "I feel unsure about this," they might try to get their needs met through manipulation, or by creating situations where others feel obligated to give them something. This is, you know, not a very healthy way to build relationships, because it means that interactions are always based on hidden agendas rather than clear communication. It’s a bit like playing a game where only one person knows all the rules.

So, it’s not just about the big lies; it’s often about a consistent habit of not being fully present or honest in their everyday conversations. This makes it really hard for others to trust them, because there’s always this sense that something is being held back, or that words don't quite match actions. It creates a sort of fog, where clarity is always just out of reach. And in that fog, you know, it becomes much easier for bigger deceptions to take root and grow, simply because the foundation of open communication isn't there to begin with.

The Intricate Weave of Their Stories

When someone is not being honest, they often, you know, have to build a whole world of stories to keep everything straight. It’s not just one lie; it’s usually a whole network of small untruths and half-truths that support the main deception. Think of it like, a very delicate spiderweb, where each strand connects to another, and if one strand breaks, the whole thing might start to unravel. This takes a lot of mental effort, actually, to remember all the details, to keep track of who knows what, and to make sure that different versions of events don't contradict each other.

This need to create a consistent narrative can be quite exhausting for them, I suppose. They are always on guard, always thinking about what they've said to whom, and how to respond to new questions without giving anything away. It’s a constant performance, a never-ending script that they have to follow. This means that genuine, spontaneous interactions can be very difficult, because they always have to filter what they say through the lens of their constructed reality. It’s like, they can't just relax and be themselves, because being themselves might expose the truth.

You might notice that their stories can be overly detailed sometimes, or, you know, a little too perfect. They might give you

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5 Things I Learned About People Who Cheat - Insights On Trust

Table of Contents

The Hidden Drivers of Deception

Why Is Openness So Difficult for Some?

The Intricate Weave of Their Stories

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